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We have all been there. Laying in bed at night when the world is quiet and we can finally take off the mask we have worn all day. Sometimes night is the only time I can focus and do my research about medications, surgeries, and appointments. Mostly though it’s the time that my emotions and fears get the best of me. The intrusive thoughts can plague my mind through the night not allowing me to sleep.

Since I’ve joined Girls with Guts I have had the opportunity to meet women dealing with so much, but are all willing to be there at any moment just because they know. They know this fight all too well and the nights that I feel like I’m being swallowed whole I can go on the forum and find some advice, a listening ear, and an occasional meme that makes me laugh. These moments have the ability to derail intrusive negative thoughts, for which I am forever grateful.

I remember the movie, “American Tale,” where the mouse Feivel gets separated from his family but finds comfort in the song, “somewhere out there.” He is comforted by the fact that no matter where he is his family is still under the same sky. So he isn’t alone. In many ways that’s how I feel having strong knowledgeable women willing to answer me at anytime.

I have come across so many selfless, compassionate humans that sometimes I truly am in awe. I have made lifelong friends all with the understanding that even if I don’t answer right away it doesn’t mean I’m not here. The true intimacy of that level of friendship is priceless. There have been so many 3am conversations that have impacted my life, and I am so incredibly thankful.

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If you get a chance please listen to the song. It makes me think of all of you and when you listen I hope it makes you all smile, be proud of what has been created here. We are all truly in this together. Here is my favorite part…

“And even though I know how very far apart we are

It helps to think we might be wishin’ on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby

It helps to think we’re sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there, if love can see us through

Then we’ll be together somewhere out there

Out where dreams come true…”

Love and light,

Lisa ????


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Lisa Durling was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease at 9 years old.  She had several surgeries and had permanent ileostomy surgery at 40 years old in 2018. She currently resides in Riverdale, NJ and has been married to the most wonderful human for 16 years. She is a mom to 3 incredible littles- 3 boys (13,11, and 6) who’s capacity for compassion and empathy that make her proud every day. Lisa was a special education teacher for 16 years for children with Autism Spectrum Disorder and has a BA in English and Writing.  She is an animal lover and all things food lover and feels that humor helps cope with her disease.

 

Healthy choices and my new normal… My love/hate relationship

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