Shit Happens

Shit happens. Those of us with IBD or an ostomy know that it happens more often than not! When you have a disease that deals with a “taboo” or “unlady like” (<<< f, that) topic, you have to find your own way to take lemons and make lemonade! And that my friends, is with laughter. 
Poosplosions happen. If you aren’t familiar with this term, you soon will be. Poosplosions occur when our guts are being their defective selves, but especially know that we’re out in public, with a significant other, or trying to make a good first impression. And we think we’ve got our guts under control. But those bastards betray us. And certainly, we’re embarrassed when it happens, but the day finally comes when you can laugh off that embarrassment.

Some of our GWGs share their “poosplosion” stories.

1. In 2004, I was 17 and down the Jersey Shore with my then boyfriend. After only a few hours my bag barrier broke because I decided to go down the extreme drop water slide. Normally, I would have an emergency pack in the trunk of my car for this type of thing ,but when I got to the car, it wasn’t there. I refused to go back to Philly and ruin our stay, so we went to CVS to try to find something to help it stick again. The only thing I could find was the glue you use for fake nails. Yes, I used it. That and using a belt to hold it tight, it held for the next day and trip home.   – Melissa

2. Occasionally I have dreams where my body pretends to be normal. During those times, Dream Amanda thinks she can fart like a regular human being. And then real-life-sleeping Amanda tries to do the same unconsciously. Needless to say, I wake right up when I feel poop start to jettison from my butt & make a mad dash for the bathroom. Fastest I ever run. #NeverTrustAFart ‪#NeverTrustADreamAmanda
   – Amanda

3. Back when I had to colon, I would need to bolt out of bed in the morning. One morning I stopped to turn on the A/C. Not sure why I made this decision, but poop then starting coming out, and I was wearing a nightgown so I left a legit poop trail from my living room to the bathroom. Also spilt my ostomy bag down the back of my pants at work once, and had to ask the cleaning lady to mop the floor. – Brittany

4. I was a junior in high school and actually only a couple of weeks out from having my colon removed. I was in my last class of the day and for some reason tried to wait it out, but I waited too long. I ended up just walking out of class (it was choir & we had a sub) and tried to go to the closest bathroom but it was locked, so I then had to make my way down this really long hallway. I made it about 3/4 of the way before everything just came out. I locked myself in the handicap stall (it had a sink & I thought I could clean it up). It was really bad, school ended & no one knew that I was stuck because my pants were beyond hope. Over an hour later some girls came in & heard me crying & were nice enough to get my backpack for me so I could use my phone. I had to call my dad & wait for him to bring me some clean clothes. I was stuck in that stall completely disgusted with myself and desperate for almost two hours. – Nicole

5. I was a very shy and reserved 17 year old when I had my resection surgery. I was alone in the hospital room a couple days after surgery, my mom was sleeping in a hotel room next door. I had a commode but I was too shy to try and use it. I felt my first urge since surgery so I decided to try and make it to my bathroom. Didn’t even make it out of the bed. Left a trail to the bathroom. My mother had to hose me down, while the poor nurse had to deal with the nightmare that was my hospital room. I was so miserable but I laugh about it now. – Pam

6. I have a temp ostomy. My first week I didn’t know the trick of putting tp in the bowl first. Well, I got my first case of splashback…to the face and IN my mouth. More gross than embarrassing, but now I use nearly half a roll of tp before I empty haha! – Nicole

7. It was Labor Day and I was working as a server. I didn’t have to go in until the afternoon/evening shift, so a friend and I decided to indulge at Joe’s Crab Shack for lunch and I washed down my fully fried seafood meal with a glass of moonshine. Cut to two hours later, while I’m taking an order from a couple, it happens. The shit. Just pouring out of my butt, while the couple couldn’t decide if they wanted water or to splurge on a soda. I slowly started backing away from them and waddled back to the employee bathroom. I threw my underwear away and finished my shift commando.  – Mandy

8. One time I was at work, and I stood up after sitting, and somehow pulled my bag off of the wafer. Liquid poo ran down my entire body, shirt, pants, and shoes, and the floor. Thankfully I had a sweatshirt to tie around my waist. And wiped up the floor super fast with bleach wipes because I worked in a lab. The craziest thing is, my student on the other side of the lab bench didn’t notice! So I was able to run home and shower/change without too much embarrassment. The whole 20 minutes home was so uncomfortable as I was just soaked in liquid shit and sitting on a trash bag in the car. Even though I have a J-pouch now, I still carry baby wipes and an extra set of clothes with me everywhere I go. Funniest thing is I told this story to my student 2 years later and he says he had no idea! Just call me the stealthy shitsplosioner lol – Amanda

9. Where to begin… the moment a meeting ended, I was desperate to go to a toilet because I could feel there was an accident on the way. A guy jumps in, and as soon we shake hands, I had a big accident. Thank God I was wearing dippers! I remember nothing the guy was saying because I was just worried if the dipper would be able to handle such massive accident! Or the moment a colleague comes to my office to speak about a project, and I started feeling weird. At certain point I just screamed “I am sorry” got up and ran to the toilet. But as soon as I got up, I started farting and pooping since my desk through aaaaaall corridor until the toilet. And then had to do all way back to my office to get wet towels and underwear and go back to the toilet to clean myself. My colleague never said a word about it. – Vera 
10. I was feeling constipated, and the one thing that is sure to get things going is a McGriddle from McDonald’s. So on my way to my iron infusion, I stopped at McD’s, waited til I got to the infusion center to eat it, knowing it could go badly, ate in my car, checked in, and sat down. As soon as I sat down I started running to the bathroom, and it started coming. I was wearing leggings, and by the time I got in the bathroom, they were ruined, and it just kept pouring out before I could even turn around to get to the toilet so it was alllll overrrr the bathroom. Like literally everywhere, walls, toilet, garbage can, sink, etc. By the time I got myself and the bathroom cleaned up, and got my vitals taken, my heart rate was 168, and they wanted me to go to the ER, and I started sobbing telling her what happened and that it was probably so high because I was so embarrassed lol. – Rachel

11. I was emptying my bag down the shore, just minding my own business. It was a one staller in a pizza place and the door didn’t lock so my friend Lisa was guarding it. Now… I used to stand facing the toilet when emptying my bag and my friend knew this, but proceeded to whip the door open to purposely scare me. Shit. Everywhere. Shit on the toilet, shit on shit, shit on my feet, shit IN the sink?! Shit was actually everywhere. And guess what WASN’T in the bathroom? Toilet paper. So I had to haphazardly clean myself up and DITCH IT. We ran out SO fast. – Alicia 
12. I was at work and something felt wrong. In particular, my leg felt damp. I went to the bathroom to investigate and saw that my bag fell off, and poop was running down my legs. I stupidly didn’t bring my supplies to the bathroom, so I stuffed paper towels in my underwear before I went back into the office. I grabbed my lunch/supply bag, nonchalantly said I was off to “have lunch” and sprinted back to the bathroom. At that point, I had shit all over me below my waist. My stoma didn’t care about that and was really active, so I got totally naked, put paper towels everywhere and tried three times to get my bag on right. By the time I was done, my adrenaline was high and the bathroom looked like a mess. I cleaned it all up and had to tell my boss the lite version of what happened, then I went straight home. Then it leaked again on my commute. – Cheyenne 
13. Oh god, I don’t like to think about it that much, but we were waiting in the back of the church for my niece’s baptism to start. I was the godmother. I had the baby on my lap and we were playing – somehow the clip (which I never use but had that weekend for some reason) came undone. So I stood up in the middle of the church and SPLOOSH the entire bag spilled down my leg. I had to try to clean up at the church, realized I couldn’t get myself clean enough, my husband and I sprinted home in the car to my in-laws house, I showered, changed, and sprinted back to church – got their just in time to hold Sophie while she had the water sprinkled on her head. That.was.the.worst. – Erin 
14. I went abroad to China summer 2010 (way before diagnosis) & after liquid shitting in squat pots there wasn’t anything I was afraid of. So I come back home to my friends like “oh come on let’s hangout go to the park we’ll smoke a blunt you can tell us about China blahblah.” Literally one hit in I was like uhhhhhh, no way I’ll make it to my house in time so I grabbed my tissues and ran for the nearest, biggest tree I could waddle to, shit my brains out (mind you still close enough for my friends to hear/see even though they pretended they couldn’t) & made my way back to the picnic tables for my friends to be like “did you seriously just do that” & my response was “fear no toilet, or lack thereof.” lmao – Nina 
15. One time I had to go SO badly while waiting at the exit to my house (I was maybe .6 miles away at this point) that I grabbed a box I had on the floor in my passenger size and shat in the box while still driving to my house. Figuring out how to get out of the shit-box-situation once I parked was the hard part…    – Alicia 
16. I have so many, and I’ve thrown out so many, pairs of underwear it’s ridiculous. Last summer I was traveling and flaring badly. I was at the Montgomery airport and had just returned my rental and checked my bag when I got the feeling and well, shit happened. I ran to the bathroom desperately. But liquid poo was everywhere. Literally running down my pant leg. I grabbed paper towels on my way into the stall and cleaned myself up as best as I could and made my flight to Atlanta. I was mortified but if anyone noticed they were too polite to comment or make a face where I could see. When I got to Atlanta, I used my hour layover to buy new pants. I spent a ridiculous amount for jeans, but at least I was more comfortable for my last flight. Since then, I pack at least one extra pair in my carry on. Traveling can really be an adventure. Honestly until this group, I thought I was the only person this stuff happened to. – Hilary

17. My pre-stoma life was a struggle… But I never thought of them as big blowouts, because I lived with it for so long. But I do remember one quite memorable instance when I was on nerve pain treatment and the drugs I where given should be tapered out. Of course, my doc doesn’t renew my script and I’m beginning to feel all the small symptoms. Leave my sister’s house, we’re going to the metro, and once we reach I realize nuh-aah this ain’t happening. I take her keys telling them to go ahead, and I’ll just head to the loo at their place and catch up. Of course as I’m walking up and past the station I begin to realize that this is not normal rush to the loo, this is like battle of the shits. Long story short, the battle ended with poop in my pants. Which I then tried to wash in their tub. Finally my sister came home and was able to help by telling to just use the washing machine. And I’m like hell ya. – Kaly
    
    
18. The first time I horrifically shit myself was on my 21st birthday. No, I was not drunk. I had one drink at dinner with friends prior to this. I was headed back to my dorm after dinner, and knew I had to poop pretty bad. My goal was to toss my purse in my room and head to the bathroom. My door closed behind and my bowels released all in my favorite pair of underwear and jeans at the time. As I was cleaning up the best I could before heading to the showers down the hall. I heard the girl who lived in the dorm room next to me (who I was friendly with) announce in the hallway loudly several times how the hallway smelt like shit. My shit show had occurred inside my room maybe a foot from the door. What a shitty birthday. Pun intended. – Steph 
19. So today I pooped myself at work. Really bad. The clip came off as I was walking down the hallway. For some reason, I didn’t have a spare pair of pants today. I called another teacher from the bathroom crying and she searched for pants for me. We found a pair of too-tight and too-short kids pants in the school nurse’s office, until my boyfriend could bring me a new pair. He even took home my dirty ones and washed them. Thank goodness for amazing coworkers and the best boyfriend ever! – Taylor