Coping | Daily Life
It takes courage for people living with a chronic illness to simply “show up.” Whether this means going to work, getting out of bed, having coffee with a friend, or just existing in a world that doesn’t see their daily struggle, this is the kind of courage that isn’t visible to the naked eye. There is a disconnect between outward appearance and inward reality. Showing up, whether it’s physically, emotionally, or socially, requires energy, pain management, and emotional resilience that most people never see.
My last semester of college consisted of a student teaching internship that started in January 2023 and ended in May 2023. During these months, I slipped into the worst flare of my life and was hospitalized on and off. I was throwing up multiple times daily, stuck on the toilet having diarrhea for hours, and, in general, just unwell. However, I somehow made it through my student teaching experience by showing up each day. The requirement was about 100 days of work, and I was able to accomplish that goal and graduate.
The thing is, I don’t think my mentor teacher, other faculty at the school, professors and classmates at my college, and even some friends and family understood what it took for me to simply show up. I would go to bed at night after throwing up for hours and wake up at 6:30am the next morning to get ready for the day. I would help my mentor teacher with different tasks whether that meant teaching full lessons, doing recess duty, lunch duty, helping to grade assignments, and much more. To the naked eye, I was doing okay. My mentor teacher saw me show up every day and get my work done. But there was a disconnect for me with outward appearance and inward reality. I looked fine, but internally I was counting down the hours until I got to go home and lie down because I was so sick. When I got home, I would dread the next day of student teaching because it was so grueling on my body. But my mentor teacher and other faculty saw me showing up and assumed that everything was fine. Everyone saw that I was there, but they didn’t see the cost of it. They didn’t see what it took for me to get out of bed everyday, get ready, and then walk into that classroom pretending everything was fine.
This isn’t the only instance where I showed up and people assumed I was okay because I was there. I showed up to my fiancé’s graduate school graduation to celebrate his accomplishment, even though I was in pain. I’ve shown up to birthday parties and holidays where I’ve had to mask how I was really feeling. I’ve shown up to work on days that I just wanted to stay in bed all day. I’ve shown up to get-togethers, doctors’ appointments, meetings, and important milestones.
It’s one thing to show up physically, to be seen. But showing up emotionally? That takes a different kind of strength entirely. It takes emotional strength to show up to medical appointments that I’m nervous for. Maintaining my relationships – whether with family, friends, or fiancé requires consistently showing up. Staying close with all of them means having conversations through texts, FaceTime, or in person. It means making plans and spending quality time with them. Finally, it means simply being there when they are going through a hard time.
Unfortunately, I do find it sometimes difficult to be there for my loved ones on a day when I’m really sick. I do my best to show up, but sometimes it just doesn’t cut it. Some days it’s even hard to show up to my therapy sessions because being vulnerable is harder when I’m physically ill, and the last thing I want to do is talk for an hour. Other times, it’s hard to show up for myself emotionally. On a day when I’m experiencing more anxiety but also having bad IBD symptoms, it’s harder to focus on lessening that anxiety and working to get the anxious thoughts free from my mind.
Emily at her fiancé’s graduation.
Time and time again, I have shown up with a smile on my face and no one knew what was going on. I showed up not because I felt fine, but because it mattered that I was there. There really is bravery in that. Everyone with a chronic illness does this, and they don’t get the recognition they deserve. Sometimes when I’ve shown up to events, I’ve been deemed as “too quiet” or maybe even “standoffish.” This perception of me couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m not a quiet person (quite extroverted, actually) and I’m not standoffish. I think what people fail to realize is that everyone who has a chronic illness is likely in pain 24/7, and just showing up is a sacrifice on their behalf. I am not saying that I resent showing up to all of these events. I was happy I could show up, but it did take a toll on me physically and emotionally. I’ve shown up when my body was exhausted or when my mind was overwhelmed. I’ve shown up because I didn’t want to let others down and I felt like showing up was the right thing to do, even when I feel sick.
I’m saying that what matters here is that I was there. I was cheering on my fiancé from the stands as he walked across the stage. I was there teaching full days at my internship and getting the experience I needed. I was there at birthday parties singing and watching my loved ones blow out the candles on their cakes. I was there at Christmas watching my family open the gifts I got them. I was there at doctors appointments answering endless questions. I was there playing board games with my friends, laughing along with everyone’s jokes. It takes a lot for someone who has a chronic illness to continually show up. Showing up may not earn recognition. It is quiet, consistent, and courageous. The next time you see someone you love with a chronic illness who is “just there,” remember that they may not be feeling the best and it took a lot to show up. Every time that I’ve shown up has been an act of bravery. Others living with chronic illness are showing up too in ways that are big and small. We might not always be seen and sometimes might be misunderstood when we do show up, but here we are showing up anyway. That’s something to be proud of.
Born and raised in Pennsylvania, Emily was diagnosed with severe Crohn’s Disease with complications in 2016 at age 17. Being 26 now, she wants to help bring awareness to IBD. Emily just graduated with her master’s degree in education. She currently works as a substitute teacher but her dream is to be a first grade teacher. Outside of working, she enjoys traveling, spending time with loved ones, and reading.
