Celebrating Oscar D. Ostomy With Allie

I love parties. Big, small, indoors, outdoors, themed, casual, you name it, if it involves a gathering of friends and family, I am all over it! What I really love the most though, is hosting a party and giving it some sort of silly title. Shin digs end up being called “extravaganza’s,” get-togethers usually incur the moniker of “clam bakes” and even casual get-together’s end up tagged as “soiree’s.”
So you can just imagine my glee when I realized I could celebrate my impending ostomy surgery with a little shaker I decided to dub “Oscar the Ostomy’s Come-out Cotillion.” It involved finger foods reminiscent of innards and stomas. Hot dog’s with artfully placed ketchup that were quartered and made to look like intestine’s, an un-used diaper in a serving bowl covered in spinach dip with streaks of red salsa, pastry intestines and a bunch of other laughable foods meant to get the guest’s talking about guts. We served drinks in blood bags and from sandwich baggies (1. Pick up plastic bag – I think just about any sort without holes will do – with the open end pointing up. 2. Fill bag with liquid. 3. Tie top of bag closed securely.4. Turn contents of bag upside down so that the knot is now at the bottom.5. Bite off a corner and drink away.) To top off the festivities I was running around showing everyone how “X marks the Oscar spot” (I was already sited for my stoma.)

As more and more people arrived and asked the inevitable “What the heck is an ostomy?” it dawned on me that I NEEDED to educate as many people as I could. I approached my up-coming surgery with the gusto of a religious fanatic and felt it was my duty to tell everyone of the upcoming event.

The day of surgery I had to stop not once but twice on the way to the hospital to use a washroom. During that second sprint I was overcome with emotion knowing I would NEVER have to do this again. The surgery went off without a hitch and with 2 doctors double teaming the operation I was good to go a scant 6 hours later. I woke up late on the first day to look under the covers and was immediately drawn to an alien looking nub on my abdomen. In my best Al Pacino, Scarface voice I said “hello my little friend” and promptly threw up.

The next evening a steady stream of visitor’s bearing Tim Horten’s steeped tea’s and all number of things I couldn’t previously eat (Thank you to the Knapman’s for the largest tin of pop corn ever…I still salivate thinking about my first real popcorn crunch in 13 years) stopped in. All who entered the room were shown Oscar. Most people shook their heads in amazement; some asked a billion questions and every single person who exited my room left with knowledge about what it means to have an ostomy.

I know I’m not your normal ostomate. I show and tell everyone about Oscar, but I’d rather the world know what’s happening on my left side than have them think I have some sort of growth that occasionally likes to make noise. Besides, can you just imagine what kind of party I am going to throw for World Ostomy Day? World Ostomy Day Wonderland has a nice ring I think.

To learn more about Allie and Oscar’s adventures, visit: Oscar the Ostomy